Elizabeth - 15 & Heartbroken

This one really touched my heart. It took me a little longer than usual to respond because I it took me back 13 years and I remember all those feelings. "Elizabeth" I hope you will let me know how you're doing..

I"m sorry for my late response but I needed some time to think about your situation. I'm 28 years old so I have been where you are.. exactly where you are actually. When I was a freshman I started dating a Junior. At first things were great. He was attentive, sweet, courtesy, perfect boyfriend. Like you, I was involved in sports. I played tennis, softball, ran track, marching band, choir, you name it I was in it. At first my bf was supportive but then he things got weird.

Like you, I usually ended up doing things I didn't want to do. After I lost my virginity, he had complete control over me. You & I are a lot alike "Elizabeth". I too thought of dropping all my activities so I wouldn't be so tired and could hang out with him more. I often told myself that it was me causing the fights and I need to be more agreeable. I was 15, he was 17. Eventually things got violent and it took a pretty serious incident to finally break away from him..

It took a lot of therapy to rid myself of all the things he made me believe. I was never good enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, I should have been privileged to be with him.. yada yada. when in reality it was he should have been privileged to be with me!

The reason I'm telling you this is so you understand that I do know where you are coming from. I went back and read my journal from my freshman year and your email could have come out of journal verbatim... Scary how the situations are so similar.

Now on to my advice.

Don't call him. Honestly, he doesn't sound like to great of a guy if he dropped you when he knew you needed him. Also, men like to chase. If you really think he's the one for you make him chase you.

Remember he's a teenage boy. As a women you are more mature than he is, and therefore are capable of making rational decisions. Him flirting with a girl in front of you was done to make you jealous. You reacted exactly how he wanted you too. Stop reacting to him. It will make him wonder why you stopped "caring"

Stop worrying about him. Spend time with friends, your dad, and any brother & sisters. Stay away from his friends. Try not to include yourself in his inner circle. If he feels like you are trying to take his friends or sway there opinions, that will push him farther away. Instead, stay busy with your friends & activities.. there is nothing a man hates more than being ignored or feeling left out.

Most importantly, take care of you. I want you to look in the mirror and name 5 things you LOVE about yourself. One thing you said that really bothers me is this " I on the other hand, I'm built like a model, but have only an alright face." I hate it that you feel that way! You are beautiful, young, healthy, wonderful person! Yes i don't know you personally but you obviously have a big heart otherwise you wouldn't have written to me.

If you want him back use the steps I wrote for you. But if I were you I'd run the other way. From what you've described he could be my high school boyfriends twin brother. Not saying he's a bad guy because I don't know him.. But there are likenesses in the two that worry me. Remember this is high school. I promise you in 3 years you will look back at this and laugh. I know that's hard to believe now but you will. Nothing hurts more than a broken heart. But time does and will heal all wounds..

I hope I've helped.. Please let me know how you're doing. I want to hear from you again..

Always Jules
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Dear Jules:

"In march, a boy started liking me, and for a week people told me I should give him a chance, so I started liking him back, not because people told me to, but because I actually liked him. So two weeks after he started liking me, we went out. Things were amazing at first. But, with both of us having a busy lifestyle (especially me, with my sports, dance, and school) we tend to have gotten in arguments, and they were all stupid because mainly I would get a little moody."

"On Monday, when I texted him to ask him to come over on Tuesday, because I had a surprise for him, I couldn't get it out. He dumped me. At the time I didn't care, because I was on my way somewhere. But, after I've stepped back and thought about it, it hurt so bad. Other people got involved, especially his friends, who were on my side in the situation, which probably made things worse. But, then everyone told me to relax, and just be friends, and within a week or two, he'd come back. But I don't know if that's the case."


"I really want to be with him again and show him I'm worthy, and people say I can work on that over the summer, whether it be towards the middle we get back together, or the beginning of the next school year. I'm just worried, and I have no idea what to do. Nothing makes me happy anymore, and he was the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't know what to do! Help please?"